Farming in a Lilac Shirt

Poets often write poems urging authenticity: bravely expressing outwardly in our lives what lives within. In “Farming in a Lilac Shirt,” South Dakotan farmer-professor-poet Leo Dangel reminds us that we may end up choosing to keep parts of ourselves hidden due to the cultural values we’ve internalized and from fear of others’ reactions. Dangel further suggests though, that if we choose to keep hidden from others our tender, inner inspirations and yearnings, we can still find space to let them breathe out loud, even if that’s only with ourselves.

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Farming in a Lilac Shirt

I opened the Sears catalog.
It was hard to decide-dress shirts
were all white the last time
I bought one, for Emma’s funeral.
I picked out a color called plum,
but when the shirt arrived,
it seemed more the color of lilacs.
Still, it was beautiful.
No one I knew had a shirt like this.

After chores on Sunday, I dressed
for church. Suddenly the shirt
seemed to be a sissy color,
and I held it up near the window.
In the sun the lilac looked more lilac,
more lovely, but could a man
wear a shirt that color? Someone
might say, “That’s quite the shirt.”
I wore the old shirt to church.

And every Saturday night I thought,
Tomorrow I’ll wear the shirt.
Such a sad terrible waste-to spend
good money on a shirt, a shirt
I even liked, and then not wear it.
I wore the shirt once, on a cold day,
and kept my coat buttoned.

In spring I began wearing the shirt
for everyday, when I was sure
no one would stop by. I wore the shirt
when I milked the cows and in the field
when I planted oats-it fit perfectly.
As I steered the John Deere,
I looked over my shoulder and saw
lilac against a blue sky
filled with white seagulls
following the tractor, and not once
did I wipe my nose on my sleeve.

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