Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer – Self-Compassion

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Dr. Kristin Neff is a research psychologist at the University of Texas who specializes in self-compassion. She describes self-compassion as the practice of honoring the hard feelings that arise through our inevitable losses, mistakes, and limitations, rather than berating and resisting those feelings. Regarding struggles that arise, in her words, “This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us…” and “…The more you open to this reality and work with it instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and your fellow humans in the experience of life.” Dr. Neff’s research shows that self-compassion fosters resilience, deepens relationships, and supports both emotional and physical well-being. In Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer’s poem Self-Compassion, readers are invited into this healing practice: learning to become a loving friend—perhaps even best friend—to ourselves. The poem echoes an ancient Buddhist teaching from the Pali canon: “Searching all directions with your awareness, you find no one dearer than yourself. In the same way, others are also dear to themselves. So one who loves themselves will not harm others.”

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Self-Compassion

It’s like the scent of rain
after a month of drought—
the way it rises up and fills the lungs
quiets the body
and softens the mind—

that’s what it’s like
when, after grasping
and spinning and reaching
and clenching, at last,
exhausted with my own fear,

I lay my hand on my own heart
and see through my thoughts
and practice loving
what is here beneath my palm:
this frightened woman

and the life that lives through her—
not a single promise I will be safe,
but when I press my open hand
into the beat of my anxious heart
what was dry becomes loamy,

what was cracked becomes rich,
and a faint sweetness
tendrils through me like incense,
soothing as a lullaby
only the self can sing.

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